Parenting is hard enough, dealing with diapers, feeding, role modeling, teaching, schooling, doctors appointments, soccer practice, and so much more; why would you want to add to the stress with high conflict, worry, fear, and fighting with your ex? By utilizing TPKF’s 8 keys to Putting Kids First, you can effectively learn how to initiate, develop, and maintain a Co-Parenting relationship with your ex. In doing so, you will first and foremost create a happier, healthier environment for your children, but also, for yourself as well! It is important to note, that your health and happiness is also essential to the health and happiness of your children, but we’ll touch more on that a little later.
Clean The Slate
The first key, which may also be one of the most challenging is “Clean the Slate.” There may be lots of hurt, heartache, and other emotions tied to your ex and what has happened in the past, what circumstances initiated the divorce or separation, or what has happened even just yesterday. We all struggle with these things and it can be very challenging; but these emotions can lead you to act in ways which put your emotions over the needs of your child. This can be a very dangerous thing and so it is important to get control over it before you cause any damage.
Regardless of what has happened, your child is genetically 50% you and 50% your ex. Therefore, if you exemplify the negativity that dwells within you around your child, they will feel it, they will know it, and it will affect them deeply. Your child is a part of their other parent and if your emotions, actions, and demeanor are negative toward your ex, what is that telling your child who is a part of them?
As we all know, children are impressionable and just like we watch our behavior, actions, and words around our children in all other aspects, it is equally if not more important to apply these precautions in regards to your ex as well.
A Happier, Healthier and Positive Life
So, here’s the thing, by holding onto the past, you are harboring negativity and ill feelings within you, which is unhealthy for yourself, and equally important, it is unhealthy for your child. As we all know, our children are smart, they can sense our feelings and our emotions which can be detrimental to the well-being of our children if it is ill feelings, resentment, or hate toward their other parent. It is of vital importance that you learn to let this go in order to move forward and live a more positive life. Forgiveness is a way to let yourself move on. As said by Lewis B. Smedes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
By forgiving the past no matter what it might be, you will free your mind and your heart of the invisible chains that deeply control your thoughts and emotions. What once consumed you, filled you with emotions, and overwhelmed you can be replaced with tranquility and peace. You can have this weight taken off your shoulders, you can be relinquished of this burden, and you and only you hold the ability to make it happen.
By taking this step and cleaning the slate you can create a happier, healthier, and more positive life and environment for yourself, you can open up the doors of opportunity to be able to create a Co-Parenting relationship with your ex, and most importantly you can effectively allow your child to be raised in an environment that is filled with mutual respect between their parents where they are surrounded by unconditional love.
This is why it is so important to “Clean the Slate.” If you can put the past behind you, focus on the future, and focus on your child you can embark on a journey that will help create a much happier, healthier environment for your children post-separation.