Often after a divorce or separation, we cut ties with our ex-partner, and maybe never talk to them again. We go on living our lives while putting them in the past as if they no longer exist. The problem is, too many parents try to do this, when children are involved, and you simply cannot just cut all ties. Accumulatively you produced a child together, connecting you and making your family forever, whether one wants to admit it or not.
Once we come to understand this reality we can begin to partner with our children’s other parent to become a team and work together for their best interest. Just because your romantic relationship ended with your child’s other parent doesn’t mean that you cannot have a relationship with them. We have multiple types of relationships in life, with co-workers, friends, family members, and so on; they are all different and have different components to them. You can still have a relationship with your child’s other parent by building a partnership, a Co-Parenting relationship where you work together as a team in order to put your children first and raise them together. This will put your children in a good place where they are more likely to thrive and develop into happier, healthier adults.
Now don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying this will be easy or will happen overnight; but, it will be worth it in the end as it is best for your children’s well-being. In fact, let’s look at a recent example of a family that testifies to this point.
“This is my ex. This right here is more valuable than gold. This is a man who doesn’t pay a dime through the state because when my son needs new clothes, I just call him. This is a man who buys a bundle of kids’ movies on Vudu so even I can enjoy them with my son in my own home. A man who drops off the $45 box of pull-ups at my front door so I don’t have to load him up and go to the store. One who takes his son in 10 min notice far often than he should because I have too much to get done or just need a nap. This is a man who listens to me cry because I’m stressed out. This is a man who tells his son not to forget mommy’s boyfriend when he lists his favorite people off the top of his head…A man who rushes over because we got locked out of the house or spends his evening fixing something for us. This is a man who labeled the presents he bought his son from “mommy” because mommy couldn’t get him as many. A man who still watches my sister’s kids so our son can be with his cousins. One who accompanies me to meet strangers from Craigslist to ensure we are safe. This is the diaper-bag-wearing, chocolate-milk-making, selfless, protective, generous, accomplished FATHER to my son.
The amount of obstacles we’ve had to overcome to get to this point are tremendous. This was not easy, this was a choice. Stop giving excuses and come together for your children. I’m the most stubborn person that I know and forgiveness came easy to us for the sake of our son. And because of that, I see my son every single day. We always welcome each other’s presence.
In case I haven’t told you lately, I’m grateful for you. Most importantly for the motivated individual you are and how you provide Pierson with a phenomenal role model despite the foundation you once had. I love the amount of love my son will always have from you.”
~Jessica Singleton Chipley, Florida
As you can see Jessica and her ex didn’t just develop a partnership and Co-Parenting relationship overnight, but, they did put their differences aside and put their son first in order to give him the best life possible despite their relationship ending. This story is a true testament to not only the love for their son and his well-being but also to show that no matter the obstacles, it is possible, and you can do it. All you have to do is put the focus on your children to do what is best for their well-being.